The elevator is gear. Gear for a business or organization. Just like everyday personal gear, when used correctly it will help shorten tasks efficiently. They allow space to be used more efficiently by allowing taller buildings, thus taking less acreage for the same amount of indoor space. The elevator is a wonderful testament to engineering, with many safety features, efficient operation, and a smooth and universally understood interface. Amazing gear. And for the end user quite simple. Enter, select your destination, and you will get there. There’s even elevators that work based on the rules that Jewish people are not allowed to operate machinery on the Sabbath. (Shabbat Elevator)
This being a hump day post, I think back to my corporate and educational days and remember the hells of the middle of the week, wishing the week were over, and the straw that often broke my camel’s back, the simple inability of people to properly operate, enter, and exit an elevator. All my camel wanted was a Starbucks Mochafrapulatechino from the 30th floor…
Elevators are very old concepts, going back to around 236BC with Archimedes according to Wikipedia. That’s over 2200 years ago. So what I’m not understanding here, is why given that much time and over two millenia of knowledge and educational advancement, that people still do not understand that when the doors open, more than likely people will actually EXIT the elevator. It’s simple. Elevator arrives, doors open, people come out, thus making room for people to go in. People cannot get out if the people trying to get in are crowding around the door to push their way through. My personal solution usually involves looking as angry as I can, standing right at the doors, squaring my shoulders, and pushing my way out of the elevator making sure to block others from rushing into anyone else exiting the elevator. There’s fewer events more enjoyable than plowing right through someone who actually had the exact same intention towards me. Sadly I’ve not left anyone sprawled out on the floor yet, but the day I do will be pure bliss.
As a side note, there IS a down side to this strategy: I’m betting that this won’t go over well with zombies.
Harsh you say? Sure it is. However, by the time a person is large enough to actually pose a problem with this, they should have at least a decade or more of elevator experience. There is no excuse.
Perhaps if this were a question of exiting an elevator in haste I’d understand, I’m sure we could write a whole article here about the cruelty of elevator music. Just ask my wife who’s had to put up with my System Shock elevator music mp3 alert every time i get a text message. Yes, every time…
Lastly…
Let’s not forget, this IS hump day after all… what else can you do in an elevator? Just remember kids, if you DO celebrate hump day properly in an elevator, please make sure you use protection!
